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This One Weird Trick for Ignoring Global Disasters Will Leave You Completely Uninformed (and We Love That for You)

DATELINE: THE INTERNET — In a world where the 24-hour news cycle has been compressed into…
“Wait, Am I Real?”—U.S. Surgeon General Issues Advisory on “Recursive Existential Dread” from AI News Slop

SILICON VALLEY, CA — The U.S. Surgeon General has issued a red-alert advisory today as “Recursive…
Department of Peace Unveils Greenland’s Rebrand: “The World’s Largest Gated Community”

NUUK, GREENLAND — Following the recent escalation of tariffs against eight European allies, the Department of…
The Great “Air-Fried” Exodus: Why 2026 is the Year We Finally Quit the Kitchen

The Great “Air-Fried” Exodus: Why 2026 is the Year We Finally Quit the Kitchen In early…
The Silicon Sabbatical: Why 2026 is the Year We Outsource Our “Burnout” to AI

In early 2026, the corporate world has been transfixed by the trending “Quiet Recovery” movement—a pivot…
The Incorruptible Electorate: Why Dogs Are the Character Judges We Need at the Polls

As we approach the mid-2020s, the human political landscape is increasingly defined by “post-truth” rhetoric and…
DIGITAL PSYCHOSIS? Experts Warn ‘AI Brain Rot’ Is Inducing Real-World Hallucinations In Unsuspecting Readers

NEW YORK — As the digital landscape becomes increasingly saturated with synthetic text, a disturbing new…
THE SILENT KILLER: Shocking 2026 Study Reveals 100% of Fatalities Trace Back to This ONE Controversial Life Event!

GENEVA — In a groundbreaking report released today, global health statisticians have confirmed a terrifying new…
The Remake Recession: Why Cinema Needs a Total Embargo on Unoriginal Content

As we move through 2026, the global box office reveals a staggering lack of creative evolution.…
You Won’t Believe What This Domestic Canine Is Doing Every Single Day In 2026

MIDWEST CITY, USA — In an era where the digital landscape is saturated with “super-dogs” performing…