Real.Good.News.

By Avery Finch, Lifestyle & Etiquette Columnist
January 17, 2026

In the social hierarchy of 2026, the traditional “Good Boy” is facing a bit of a PR crisis. While the high-maintenance demands of canine ownership—the 6:00 AM walks in atmospheric rivers, the constant need for external validation, and the frantic barking at the Automated Delivery Drones—were once considered charming, the modern aesthetic has shifted. We are currently witnessing the factual rise of the “Canine-Adjacent Cat,” a creature that offers all the loyalty of a Golden Retriever with none of the damp-dog smell.

The satirical irony of our decade is that as we become more obsessed with Smart-Home Automation, we have realized that dogs are essentially “analog” glitches in a digital world. They require “patching” (training) that takes months and still fails when a squirrel enters the chat. Enter the 2026 Feline. Today’s cats have been rebranded as the ultimate low-latency companions. They don’t need to be taken to a “Park” to socialize; they are perfectly content to judge your guest’s outfit choices from the safety of a heated, AI-Integrated Perch.

Furthermore, cats have mastered the art of the “Selective Fetch.” A modern Maine Coon or an athletic Savannah will play with a laser pointer with the intensity of a Border Collie, but will promptly ignore you the moment the novelty wears off—a boundary-setting skill we humans are still paying Digital Therapists to teach us. In 2026, owning a cat is the ultimate “Quiet Luxury.” It signals that you have a life so curated and serene that you don’t need a pet to jump on you to feel loved. You have a “dog” that purrs, uses a self-cleaning litter box, and never, ever asks to go for a walk during your Virtual Reality Board Meeting.